In romantic relationships, gratitude and appreciation play significant roles in developing and maintaining bonds, trust, and emotional connection (Algoe et al., 2010). Being grateful and appreciative—or not—can greatly impact general happiness, emotional well-being, and level of life satisfaction (Wolf, 2021).
- The gratitude aspect of appreciation involves noticing a benefit received and feeling grateful to someone for it (Algoe et al., 2010; Fagley, 2012).
- In contrast, appreciation, as defined by Adler and Fagley (2005), involves acknowledging the value of something or worth.
- Feeling more appreciated in a romantic relationship is related to being more appreciative of a partner. Feeling more appreciated back in turn is associated with responding more readily to their partners’ needs and who have a greater commitment and likelihood of persisting in their relationships over time (Gordon et al., 2012).
- Being appreciative builds emotional bonds that lay down the foundation for deep and meaningful connections (NeuroLaunch, 2018).
How to practice gratitude and appreciation in romantic relationships:
- Understand the difference between appreciation and gratitude. While appreciation can happen without gratitude, gratitude cannot exist without appreciation. Appreciation is about recognizing the worth or significance of something, while gratitude is a deeper emotion that involves recognizing the benefits of someone else’s deliberate efforts (McCullough et al., 2001).
- Express gratitude to your partner. Research shows that expressing gratitude to your partner can improve both personal and relationship well-being (Algoe & Zhaoyang, 2015).
- Perform Thoughtful Gestures. Regularly engage in acts that show you value your partner, such as surprise gestures or small tokens of appreciation. These acts help enhance emotional intimacy and make both partners feel valued (Dutton & Heaphy, 2003).
- Practice gratitude exercises together. There are many simple exercises you can do to cultivate gratitude in your relationship, such as keeping a gratitude journal, doing a gratitude walk, or creating a gratitude jar (Emmons & McCullough, 2003; Algoe, Kurtz, & Hilaire, 2016)
- Use Gratitude to Resolve Conflict. Couples could use gratitude and appreciation to de-escalate conflict. Reflecting on the positive aspects of the relationship during tough times can help repair emotional distance and build resilience (Fincham & Beach, 2010).
- Consistency is the key. Regularly expressing gratitude builds trust, strengthens security, and reminds partners of each other’s value, fostering support and care over time (McCaskill Family Services, 2023)
References:
Adler, M. G., & Fagley, N. S. (2005). Appreciation: Individual Differences in Finding Value and Meaning as a Unique Predictor of Subjective Well-Being. Journal of Personality, 73(1), 79–114. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2004.00305.x
Algoe, S. B., Gable, S. L., & Maisel, N. C. (2010). It’s the little things: Everyday gratitude as a booster shot for romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17(2), 217–233. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1475-6811.2010.01273.x
Algoe, S. B., & Zhaoyang, R. (2015). Positive psychology in context: Effects of expressing gratitude in ongoing relationships depend on perceptions of enactor responsiveness. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 11(4), 399–415. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2015.1117131
Algoe, S. B., Kurtz, L. E., & Hilaire, N. M. (2016). Putting the “You” in “Thank You.” Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(7), 658–666. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550616651681
Dutton, J., & Heaphy, E. (2003). (PDF) The Power of High Quality Connections. ResearchGate. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/262725459_The_Power_of_High_Quality_Connections
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377–389. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.84.2.377
Fagley, N. S. (2012). Appreciation uniquely predicts life satisfaction above demographics, the Big 5 personality factors, and gratitude. Personality and Individual Differences, 53(1), 59–63. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2012.02.019
Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. H. (1999). CONFLICT IN MARRIAGE: Implications for Working with Couples. Annual Review of Psychology, 50(1), 47–77. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.50.1.47
Gordon, A. M., Impett, E. A., Kogan, A., Oveis, C., & Keltner, D. (2012). To have and to hold: gratitude promotes relationship maintenance in intimate bonds. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 103(2), 257–274. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0028723
NeuroLaunch editorial. (2024, October 18). Emotional Appreciation Texts for Boyfriend: Heartfelt Messages to Strengthen Your Bond. NeuroLaunch.com. https://neurolaunch.com/emotional-appreciation-text-for-boyfriend/
McCaskill Family Services. (2023). Boost Your Romantic Relationship Through Gratitude | McCaskill Family Services. Mccaskillfamilyservices.com. https://doi.org/10932897967/jcqgCMytkM8YEK-Rm90o
McCullough, M. E., Emmons, R. A., & Tsang, J.-A. (2002). The grateful disposition: A conceptual and empirical topography. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 82(1), 112–127. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.82.1.112
Wolf, N. (2021). An Examination of the Relationships Among Appreciation, Gratitude, and Happiness. Psi Beta Research Journal, 41–45. https://doi.org/10.54581/wuua9555
